Supporting a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
When it comes to supporting a friend or loved one who may be struggling with an eating disorder, the first step is having a conversation with them to let them know that you are concerned. In this conversation, you don’t want them to feel judged or shamed but instead communicate that you care about them and are here to support them. It is important to remember that they may become defensive or protective of their ED in this conversation. The reason for this is that the ED is serving a purpose for them. Oftentimes, they develop to either manage or avoid difficult emotions and the ED behaviors become maladaptive coping skills. Or they may develop to feel in control if life is feeling chaotic, so letting go of the ED is going to feel really scary for them.
Other things to consider in this conversation is avoiding any comment about their body or weight such as “you look too thin” or “you don’t need to lose weight.” These comments will only serve the purpose of triggering their ED to become more fixated on weight and body image. You also want to avoid giving over-simplified solutions such as, “just try eating more” or “you just have to love yourself more.” Even though you may have the best intention, these may feel minimizing or invalidating to the struggle that they are experiencing. Instead, you want to let them know that you are there for them and encourage them to seek professional help. You may also consider talking to another loved one of theirs such as a parent or partner to provide further support and encouragement.
How do we go about seeking professional help? For ED treatment, it is best to have a team consisting of a dietitian, therapist, and doctor. Finding a whole team may seem overwhelming, so you can start by finding one of these and they can provide referrals for the remaining members of the treatment team. For example, if someone comes to me and I’m their first point of contact for ED care, I will provide referrals for therapist and doctors and help them get connected with those providers. When you’re searching for a provider, some things to look for are someone, of course, who is specialized in EDs but is also aligned with Health At Every Size (HAES) principles and works from a non-diet, intuitive eating approach. In addition to finding a treatment team, you may also consider attending an ED support group. Here are some free virtual support groups available:
· https://www.alsana.com/programs/online-support-group/
· https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/support-groups#register